He who walks with wise men will be wise, but the companion of fools will be destroyed.
Proverbs 13:20
Last year, I hit a season where I was going through a bit of drama in my personal life, which included a few friendships that I really depended on breaking apart. And the very problem in that is that those relationships were the people I would have turned to as confidantes to help me make sense of the aforementioned struggles. So, there I was feeling a little lost and confused and hurt, and feeling like I was at a crossroads even though I didn’t know which direction was taking me where. Personal growth, folks, it isn’t easy. The thing about hitting that point was that it forced me to reevaluate the relationships in my life and start thinking about new ones.
And you know what? At about that exact moment, a person came into my life that has changed the way I view friendship. I had known her for a few years but had never really considered her a part of my inner circle. One night we got together one of those “hey, great to see you, how’s life?” sort of dinners and something happened. I was tempted to sweep everything under the rug, to tell her that life was rainbows and I was happy and put on that smile that hid the truth that things weren’t all that great. And some little voice stopped me, telling me that I needed to take a chance and trust her.
Again, you know what? I did. I didn’t dump the entire load of drama on her lap, but I told her a little piece. A little piece that I wasn’t sure I was ready to trust her with. A little piece that she could have used to hurt me, or could have judged me for, or could have done a hundred other things with other than what she did. What did she do? She listened, thoughtfully, and made me feel loved and understood. She even trusted me in return, telling me about a similar experience in her life. And that started a bond that has blossomed into a very important and meaningful friendship.
Oh, my goodness there are so many things I want to say about that initial moment of connection with my friend and the ways she has influenced my life since. Let me start with this. In order to have deep, thoughtful, and real relationships in your life, you are sometimes going to have to jump in and trust someone. You are going to have to let your guard down and really let that person in. You’re going to have to give them the keys to your heart and your life and ask them to tread lightly while they get to know you. It can leave you with a lifelong, faithful friend that fills you with joy and it can also leave you with some wounds from some people that threw the keys back at you after they stomped all over your self-esteem, worth, and vulnerability. You’re just gonna have to take that chance.
Okay, now let me say this. When you’re making those decisions about those people to really, really let in to your life, use caution. I’m talking about the people that have made it past the initial test, the initial leap of faith and trust. I’m talking about the people that have come to know you inside and out and support your daily existence with their mere presence. The people that have the power to inspire, uplift, or hurt you. Choose those people wisely. Choose people who deserve you and your friendship and your time.
Let’s go back to the verse I opened with from Proverbs 13:20. “He who walks with wise men will be wise but the companion of fools will be destroyed.” I’ve heard again and again that you are the composite of the five people you spend the most time with. The friends that you choose for your inner circle are the people that have the most power to influence and affect you on a daily basis. They’re the ones you go to for advice and guidance, the ones you call first when you have good news or speed dial when you need to rant about the really terrible day you just had. Think about those people for a minute. Your five closest friends. Are those friends giving you wise advice? Are they challenging you in your relationship with Jesus?
The reason I’m writing about this topic, which I realize may be uncomfortable for some and is often uncomfortable for yours truly, is because it is something I have been very personally convicted about lately. About guarding my heart and choosing to prioritize people and relationships that are centered on Christ. That are guiding me to a more fulfilled life of Jesus, and staying true to a servant’s heart, and living out my passions. Why does that verse say that walking with wise men will make you wise? It’s because when you have “wise” friends in your life that also love Jesus and help you to walk a more Christian life, those people are going to give you good advice. They are going to help guide you in the ways of the Lord. That friend I mentioned earlier? I have gone to her for counsel countless times, and she has always pointed me back to Jesus. She has shared my concerns and frustrations and she has passed no judgment, but she has told me what I needed to hear about making good choices and staying true to my values. She has encouraged me to pursue Christ and pushed me to grow when I needed it. That’s a true friend, everyone. A friend that doesn’t just tell you what you want to hear. A friend that tells you what you need to hear, which sometimes isn’t what you want to hear at all.
Here’s the thing about friendship. Jesus places people in our lives for the very purpose of walking through life alongside us to deepen our joys and lessen our sorrows. He offers us the incredible gift of friendship and companionship. I mean, clearly friendship is important to Him if He’s willing to say that there is no greater gift than to lay down one’s life for one’s friend. In fact, friendship is mentioned a lot in the Bible. Take Elizabeth and Mary or Ruth and Naomi. Or the five hundred verses (slight exaggeration, but there’s quite a few) in Proverbs talking about the benefits and consequences of friendship.
So think about that cast of characters in your life. Think about the people you ask for advice, the people you surround yourself with, the people that are most important to you. Think about whether those people are showing you the love and compassion of Christ, whether those people are pushing you to grow as a person and accomplish your goals, whether those people are helping you walk with Jesus or pulling you away from Him. Because those choices, those friendships, they are important. They matter. You matter. Treat yourself like you matter by choosing exceptional friends that will lead you back to Christ, will support you no matter what, and will always and forever remind you how valuable, special, and loved you are. If you already have those kinds of friends, thank them, love them, and please, dear goodness, hang on to them.
all my love, ki
(Side note: Yes, I’m talking about being critical of friendships, but let me also say that I have some really incredible friends that fill so many roles in my life and I am so thankful for each one, for every person that has come into my life, whether they have stayed there or not, and brightened my path and helped me to grow through their friendship. A very special shoutout to those of you that put up with me on a daily and weekly basis and love me through all of my flaws.)
